Ever since I was a mere baby, I always have this little quirks that uses my feet. I pick things up rather quickly, but nothing more quickly than walking. My mum blames all these numerous frog legs she feeds me when I was younger, coz there's this Chinese believe that by eating frog legs, you'll have good and strong legs that allows you to run fast. And I suppose, in part, that believe was true in all literal sense. Coz ever since I could walk myself from point A to B, I never did sat down again.
When I was a child, perhaps the age of 7-12, I wasn't allowed much of running, coz my mum was highly over-protective of me. She always wanted me by her side, but then again, I was young and never the wiser. But I love those little sneak moments when I do get the chance to 'run away' to somewhere else via my books. I always have this little bubble over my head when I read. It will certainly feature me in the shoes of that protagonist in that particular novel (and I still do it till today..) I would be able to see myself flying over the Atlantic ocean and coming into the soils of freedom state USA or most of the time, I would see myself overlooking river Thames or even scouting round the grounds of magical Oxford City. But nothing ever does compare to being literally able to run outside. Even when it is just around my neighbourhood, it was really amazing. I get to see sights and hear sounds I can never imagine. It is just absolutely wonderful.
Then when my mum got me a bicycle and allowed me leeway to cycle to where ever I wanted to, as long as I got my big arse back home in time for her to see me at the door way when she got back from work, it was fine by her. An unspoken agreement that both of us shared. And I truly treasured it all the more than just being able to run. With the bicycle, I could roam further than my legs could carry. With my trusty bicycle, I've travelled to parts of Batu Pahat than I think not many Batu Pahatians can truly say they have been before.
In a nutshell, you can say I'm quite an adventurous girl. A girl who knows no fear. Most importantly, a girl who knows the meaning of being stifled and clamped down. A girl who hates being latched to the post like a dog. That's me. So by the time when I got to being an angst young teenager, I started feeling the heat. I wanted a way out. I wanted to 'run'. I knew in every sense that if I don't 'run' I would practically wilt and die. So I started to pray. And God miraculously granted me a doorway to newer pastures. At that time, it felt like emotionally I was being crushed and I had to 'run' away to survive. How dramatic is that? But little did I knew, it was my curiosity that was the one being crushed. Like I said, I have a tendency to run and love the feeling of being free. Elation of knowing that nothing can stop you, and only the horizon - which is partially in your imagination - that can stop you. Or even that's the aim of my run. To reach the horizon. The horizon of life.
It was a peak when I realize I could see something out of Batu Pahat and I was thrilled. I was like an empty barrel, ready to be filled with the water of knowledge - of new culture, experience, faces, sounds, sights, smells and most of all emotions. With a new place to run to, I was able to feel a different emotion - nostalgia. I suppose you can say it was the only anchorage that kept reminding who I am and not get lost in the new found city I was in. It was something that tell me everything about home.
Then we come to now. 4 years later. After the running and the flying and the high jumps that I have made in KL. All that little things I wanted to know and wanted to see and wanted to try, I've basically done. I confess that I've not seen EVERYTHING or try EVERYTHING in this city that never sleeps in Malaysia, but it is the things that I wanted to satisfy my curiosity with has been satisfied. And somehow, I can't help but feel that it is time for me to run again. It isn't that I hate this place or I hate what I see. I actually came to love the place and I've even grown into it. Like how I have my favourite Starbucks seat at Pyramid Old Wing and how I know the nooks and canary of my neighbourhood and also have that special little spot at MPH 1U that I so love to just hide away when I don't feel like facing the world. Not to mention the comfy little brown pillow in my Aunt's living room which I love to hug while watching a football game and thump it down when my team scores a goal. So yeah, I actually love this place, like how I love my hometown. I wasn't the feeling of hatred or disgust that makes me want to run, but more precisely, I feel like a sense of 'let go'. Like well...if I want to be a tad bit egotistical, you can say I feel like a superhero who has swoop into town and repaired the damages and then stretches wide and say: "I guess my job is done". That's how I feel. That's why I feel like I want to run.
I'm graduating soon, with a degree in Communications. Everyone has been asking me the ultimate questions when I say that line. "What are you going to do now?" "Where are you going to work?" "What do you plan to work as?" etc..etc..etc.. However, there's only ONE thing on my mind. And trust me it isn't about working. When I say the answer, I guess those of you who knows me long enough would say "but you've been saying this loads of time ady in the past. what's the difference now?" Well, the difference now is, I'm going to work towards it and I'm not going to give up till I get it. It was like that time when I felt trapped in BP and wanted out, I prayed and did my job in applying for scholarships and I was granted one. Now, although I don't feel like I am trap like I was in BP, but I know in my heart that it is time to move on...not to newer and greener pastures as most of you might be thinking, but to something new, something exciting, some where which I can start anew and accumulate more knowledge and satisfy more of my curiosity. My thirst to thrive and be someone more than I can be is slowly beginning to resound in my heart and I can hide it no longer.
Like I've said from the beginning of this post, I am a Runner. I can never stay put in one place for long. It is the desire to see new things and be able to tangibly acquire that taste to satisfy my satisfaction. And as long as that desire keeps burning, I will always keep running. I always make this as an excuse for being single - but I'm not so sure if it's actually true though..haha..however, it is part of me - it is who I am. And now as I type this LONG post out, I know deep down, it is time...time to RUN again. And let's pray that I will be able to have that strength and energy to do so. =)
Thanks for reading, if you actually reach to this point. =D Loads of hugz and kisses...
~Sulyn Outz~
Rainy days, I beg for snow,
It seems I'm begging for more and more of the impossible.
But at the end of the day, with endless wish and gazillion prayers,
The snow that I ask for will miraculously appear.
~Not hard for trying, if wanting is severe~